Without being a Social Scientist, I feel reasonably sure that there are far more Dead people than living ones. Again, not being a Social Scientist, I can’t argue statistically that all Dead people are Democrats, but if the many who voted in the last election are a representative sample, then, yes, the Dead are Democrats. Which makes it all the more surprising that the Dead were neither promised benefits by the Obama campaign nor were billions of stimulus dollars aimed in their direction. And who needs stimulus more than the Dead, eh? And just imagine the power of the man who awakens this group to its political potential. AARP, the political arm of the Almost Dead, is nothing in comparison! We’re talking about the AADP! What is it? Read on.
We know that unions, whose members are known to work like the Dead, have already received huge disbursements, not to mention ownership of GM and Chrysler; we know that ACORN received and was promised a further fortune, and that part of what ACORN does is register Dead people to vote for Democrats; and we know that various other parties friendly to Obama have done very well. Why have the Dead failed to get any gravy for themselves? Have they been too inert, too passive? That has always tended to be their problem. Has Obama taken them for granted? Does he assume that they’re like blacks and Jews, that they’ll vote for him not matter what he does? I suppose he’d have some justification for such confidence.
Well, it’s always difficult to get into someone else’s mind, especially when it’s the mind of a genius and so different from our own. Whatever the answer, it has to be one that includes the premise that Obama would never fail to reward a loyal constituency. And that may be the clue to our conundrum.
Perhaps Obama simply hasn’t noticed the Dead. The Dead are a very discreet bunch and, in addition, Obama is used to getting his support from the Living Dead. Given how closely the Living Dead resemble the Defunct Dead (except for their odd way of walking and their hunger for living flesh and other people’s money), it would come as no surprise if even Obama failed to notice them.
The reason, I suggest, that Obama hasn’t rewarded the Dead is that he didn’t notice them as a distinct identity population! Now that we’ve told him, expect immediate public recognition of the contributions the Dead have made to the United States, acknowledgment of how much they have suffered at the hands of Living White Males (who buried them!), and large new initiatives on the cemetery front to address the many problems they have integrating into a Living White World.
Expect a Czar to be appointed to represent the Dead. It could even be the last one, Czar Nicholas, who would easily qualify since he is, in fact, dead. When all this happens, and it will, the country will finally, after millions of years, repair its terrible oversight through a formal recognition of the AADP: the American Association of Departed People.
Requiescat en pace.
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